Scene 1
The episode's opening scene is a park. Kids are running, playing, screaming, shouting, falling, crying, getting kidnapped by strangers with false promises of candy and ponies, you know, the usual. A mother and her friend are watching their children play as they talk about their feelings. Then one of the mothers starts to cough uncontrollably. Her friend becomes alarmed and asks her if she's ok, handing her a bottle of water. The woman drinks, and apparently seems fine. Then we hear screams, and the camera shows that her kid has fallen off the swing and isn't moving. So we understand that this was a genius move by the story writers to make us think that the episode will be about the mother, but her coughing fit was a deliberately created diversion from the real subject of this episode, the boy that fell off the swing. People watching the episode are so excited now, it really is beyond description. Then the mother runs to her son, who finally sits up, and apparently has a little gash on his leg, doesn't even require a plaster. As the mother breathes a sigh of relief, we hear more screams, and the camera shows a man walking out of a bank who just had a seizure and collapsed. And then we realize that this was a double-deliberate-diversion. The story is really about the man with the seizure. Oh my god, the excitement is unbearable...
Scene 2
So the guy is now in the hospital, and apparently he's dying because of liver failure, but no one knows what's causing it. Dr. House limps into the room, insults everyone along the way (usually some comment regarding their utter incompetence). Then he asks the patient a completely irrelevant question like "do your nails grow at a rate of more than 1 mm per day?" Before the patient answers, he goes into a seizure.
The patient is subjected to every possible test known to mankind (justified or not), and something has to go horribly wrong during one of the tests, like the patient would suddenly start bleeding out of his belly button during a standard MRI scan. And then he would have another seizure.
Scene 4
Random scene where hot female doctor and blond fruity-boy doctor talk about their feelings.
Scene 5
House and his team still haven't figured things out. The black doctor dude is pushing for the most obvious course of action, which is to get the patient a liver transplant. But House refuses due to some obscure medical reason that we will never understand. Black doctor dude gets pissed off and storms out. And the patient has another seizure.
Scene 6
All they have up until now is a board with a list of unrelated symptoms and a dying patient. Then House would have a conversation with a janitor or a garbage man or some other random character (as he displays some completely useless skill that he learned over the years like balancing a small ball on his walking cane), and the random character would say something like "yeah, I guess that's why the French decided to build the Eiffel Tower", and then House would get that focused look on his face as the camera zooms in on his facial expression (patient has another seizure) and he repeats the sentence slowly to indicate that he is in the process of finding the solution. House also learns that the patient is about to have the liver transplant against his orders. It was approved by hot doctor boss after black doctor dude convinced her that House is an incompetent asshole who is only interested in his ego. What a douche.
Scene 7 - The Finale
House crashes into the operating room to stop the liver transplant, much to the dismay of all doctors and nurses, who point out House's overly unorthodox methods and total unprofessional behaviour (which is stupid, since after so many episodes, they should have by now learned to shut the hell up and watch House do his thing). So then he takes a syringe and sticks it into the guy's testicles and withdraws some odd looking liquid, and then explains how the guy has some 56-letter word disease that only one in a trillion people get if they had gone to the moon and had sex with a meteorite. He also proves that the liver transplant would have killed the patient, and the black doctor dude hangs his head in shame, because the score now is House 87, black doctor dude 0. Of course, there is absolutely no explanation as to how the reference to the Eiffel Tower in the previous scene allowed House to reach his conclusion. But I guess he's just cool that way.
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And by the way, this show also turns almost everyone into a hypochondriac. I've seen so many episodes to the point that every time I cough I expect to either go into a seizure, rupture a kidney, or start bleeding out of my nose pores.
But for some reason, I still continue watching the show. Go figure...
